Archive for March, 2019

One Mama of an Expectation

Posted in Uncategorized on March 6, 2019 by michaelcogdill

I had been sad about some things when it happened, too much so. A worried man will act like a boy sometimes. But stout love of a woman can grow him back into his shoes again.

My dear mom — Miss Polly as she’s known — held onto me last night with a might I thought long gone. She held me and looked at me, long and well, in her 94th year.

Her eyes sparked up with the notion — you imperfect boy, I love you. You’d better start seeing why again.

We had just talked of my dad’s retrieval from certain living death. She told details of his miracle crawling out. The bottle of Canadian Mist and the despair of old shame would hold him no more. His was a hard climb, straight off the floor. She saw his rolling around in regret and the agony of re-creation. She saw, but did not stop it.My mom had let God have him. I was already long gone. He had done terrible wrongs. Some would say unforgivable cuttings into the quick of marriage and fatherhood and manhood.

But the man soon stood. He took himself off the floor and back to life, recalled there by forces we think we identify, but can’t fully understand.

Before I put my mother to bed tonight, we talked of daddy’s funeral. The town drunk of years before lay before a full church. The miracle had lasted years, harvested a beautiful life out of living death. The troubled boy, the more troubled man, had known unspeakable joy. A woman, a son, a city of friends, all there.

My mother said goodnight reminding me she misses him. She held me as if to thank me for ceasing trying to be his God. She looked at me as if to say — expect miracles in your life yet, boy. Don’t lose your expectations. They’re not really yours after all.